T.I.M.E to Grieve: Facing Fear with Courage
Welcome to my weekly update I’m calling T.I.M.E. to Grieve.
Each week, I pick a theme, share an idea on that theme, reflect on the deeper meaning, and give an exercise to help put it into practice. I trust you find it helpful for yourself or for a grieving person you are walking beside.
THEME
When fear stops you in your tracks, face it with courage and small steps that move you forward.
IDEA
No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. — C.S. Lewis
Try one new thing tomorrow that you have been wanting to do, but have been too afraid to do. Notice the fear did not kill you and then see what you learn. — Henry Cloud
MEANING
The experience of loss for many can result in the feeling of fear. Why is that?
Loss triggers fear because you are experiencing an unstable world. You may also experience fear because the future is now uncertain. The brain reacts a certain way to instability, perceived threats, and uncertainty with a reaction of fear. You feel like you want to flee, fight, or freeze.
These fears are both legitimate and imagined. A few more fears include: I fear more loss; I will now be all alone; I will run out of money; I don’t think I can cope with my new reality.
The fear is real but the next question is, what can you do to take small steps forward in the face of fear?
First, take time for self-care. Get your sleep, exercise, eat healthy, do something you enjoy, connect with those who care. Neglecting self-care will hinder the internal resources you’ll need to grieve well.
Second, vent your feelings of fear with safe people. Validating and venting fear helps release it and helps you see which fears are true and which are your imagination run wild.
A third key to moving forward in the face of fear is to have patient hope. Patient hope is the belief that you’ll get through what you’re going through but accepting that it might take a while.
Henry Cloud’s advice is helpful: do one thing you are afraid to do and then notice that fear didn’t kill you and that you actually learned something in the process.
EXERCISE
How does fear show up in your life?
Which of your fears are real and which fears only appear real?
