Welcome to my weekly update called T.I.M.E. to Grieve.

Each week, I pick a theme, share an idea on that theme, reflect on the deeper meaning, and give an exercise to help put it into practice. I trust you find it helpful for yourself or for a grieving person you are walking beside.

THEME

Your attitude while grieving is not chosen for you but something you can choose yourself.

IDEA

Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude. — Zig Ziglar
I don’t think of all the misery but of the beauty that still remains. —Anne Frank
Be positive. Your mind is more powerful than you think. What is down in the well comes up in the bucket. Fill yourself with positive things.” –Tony Dungy

MEANING

Attitude is defined as: a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior (Oxford Languages).

Your attitude can go two ways — positive or negative. Attitude is impacted by circumstances but does not need to be controlled by them.

There is this inner struggle while grieving to maintain an attitude that will help you heal, instill hopefulness, and help you find joy even in the midst of sadness and deep pain.

I’ve lived this struggle myself at various times in my life when met with the pain of loss but not given in to a kind of negativity that caused me to spiral downward in despair.

What a Positive Attitude is and Isn’t

I’m not advocating for a superficial positively but for what I call tempered-optimism. Tempered-optimism is the ability to hold negative emotions and hurt while at the same time, looking for and finding parts to life that can be embraced and enjoyed.

An upwardly pointing attitude, like the attitude indicator on an airplane that you want pointing upward away from the ground, will ensure that you will continue to fly and eventually find a way to live again after your loss.

The kind of positive attitude I’m talking about is not an airy fairy positivity but a perspective that will help you see the good left in the world, remain grateful, process what you’re feeling in a healthy way, and be shaped by ideas that mentor you to grieve thoroughly.

Four Ideas to Encourage An Upward Pointing Attitude

1. Let the pain your feel nourish inner courage

Courage is both an attitude and a muscle that grows stronger with use. When you face pain and suffering head on, your courage grows and your attitude points upward.

Pain nourishes courage. You can’t be brave if you’ve only had wonderful things happen to you. — Mary Tyler Moore

2. Realize that hardship is normal

When we accept adversity and loss as part of the human experience, it helps us deal with certain negative attitudes fueled by questions like “Why me?” We can still ask the question, but we can more easily shift to asking, “Now what?”

…if we see adversity as natural, consistent and useful we’re less burdened by the presence of it. — Paralympian Aimee Mullins

3. Inner beauty is formed through the fire of affliction

I meet people all the time who have become more beautiful because they have allowed their pain to shape their character into qualities like empathy, gratitude and a deeper appreciation for life.

The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. — Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

4. Adversity tears away non-essentials and leaves us with what really matters

We spend a lot of time chasing non-essentials. Suffering has a way of uncovering what really matters and exposing the non-essentials for what they really are.

Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are. — Arthur Golden

EXERCISE

How would you describe your current attitude towards life?
What idea resonates with you keep turning your attitude in an upward direction?

T.I.M.E to Grieve: Attitude Matters