Welcome to today’s update called T.I.M.E. to Grieve.

Most Fridays, I pick a theme, share an idea on that theme, reflect on the deeper meaning, and give an exercise to help put it into practice. I’m keeping my thoughts brief with the purpose of giving you food for thought and encouragement for your journey.

THEME

The beginning of the year can be an opportunity to start fresh — to reflect, reframe, and refocus whether last year was filled with storms or sunshine.

IDEA

Grief is like the ocean. It comes on waves ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim. — Vicki Harrison

MEANING

Just like the ocean, last year for you probably had calm days along with stormy weather. Regardless of how you feel about last year, there is an opportunity in January to turn the page on last year and start fresh.

You can’t choose what happens to you but you can choose your response to what happens.

Seeing the year ahead as a opportunity is something I always try to do — even when I’ve been in the middle of a struggle or grieving or trying to find my sea legs when the waves around me are rocking my boat. This year, I begin the year with fairly calm seas but I know how quickly things can change.

There are three words that describe how I approach each new year. I’d call them three activities that help set me up for the voyage that lies ahead: reflect, reframe, and refocus.

Activity #1: REFLECT

To reflect means that we take some time to “think quietly and calmly.”

I often do it with a pen and paper in hand. As I do, I notice what I see, hear, and feel. I ask questions like, What feelings dominated my year? How did I react to what happened to me? What did I learn? Who supported me and fed me relationally? What didn’t go so well? What needs to change?

There’s no exact right way to this. The key is to take some time to sit, be quiet, and pay attention.

Activity #2: REFRAME

To reframe is to “express differently in words or as a plan.”

One of the ways I reframed my life after my motorcycle accident in 2011 was to look for what I had left instead of focusing only on the things I had lost. That’s an example of reframing. It’s about finding gratitude when much is lost or the storm clouds are circling.

It’s changing what you hope to achieve because so much has changed. It’s lowering expectations if you find in your reflection time they are way too high. It’s also raising expectations if in reflection you realize you need a new challenge to get you moving again.

Reframing might mean choosing to look differently at a situation you are still very angry about. You may need to seek out the help you need to get unstuck or put yourself in the path where emotional healing is possible.

Activity #3: REFOCUS

To refocus means “to give attention or effort to something new or different.”

Once you’ve reflected and reframed your life and the direction you wish to go, it’s important to set your intention on how you will live so you can find your way when tossed by storms or met by calm seas.

One practice I’ve done for many years is to find ONE WORD that gives me much needed focus for the year. I find having ONE WORD acts like a north star or compass. For sure it needs to be fleshed out with some details but is a great place to start the refocusing process. It can help keep you anchored throughout the year.

In 2020, the word I chose was “Stillness” which ended up being a timely guiding light as I faced the sickness and death of my wife Vicky. This year, my word is “Multiply” which is all about finding ways to take what I hold in my hand and pass it along to others.

EXERCISE

What do you see, feel, think, believe as you look back at 2025? [Reflect]
How might you express differently what happened last year to help you live well in 2026? [Reframe]
What ONE WORD could you choose that will serve as a theme or compass for the year ahead? [Refocus]

T.I.M.E to Grieve: Living Well in 2026