Reasons Grieving People Will Let You In

If there is someone in your life who’s grieving that you’d like to support, you may be wondering, “How do support them? Or What do I have to do or say to let them know I’m a safe person to walk with them in their grief?”

There is no one way to pave the way for permission in to someone’s life while they are grieving. Some people just aren’t ready for a lot of support while others are ready but the approach has been wrong.

Here are a few ideas to consider as you learn to be a companion to those who grieve. The list is by far incomplete and some of these ideas won’t work for you. The key is to learn the attitude, words and approach that will increase your chances of showing up with empathy and an open door to walk alongside.

Reasons Grieving People Might Let You In to Walk With Them

• They trust that you won’t go and tell their story to others

• They feel safe and comfortable with you

• They believe that you won’t judge them

• They sense you are not afraid of how they will react to their loss

• They feel your warmth and genuine love

• They feel you will listen deeply to them

• They believe you will avoid giving unsolicited advice

• They believe you won’t try to fix or rescue them

• They detect a sincerity and genuine interest in simply being present

• They believe you will not be in a rush or short on time to give them

• They sense you will accept their ideas even if they are different from your own

• They believe that if the room gets silent, you won’t try to fill the space with words

• They trust that you will not use cliches or phrases that hurt more than help

  [For example: “I know exactly how you feel.”]

As you walk alongside those who grieve, live and act in such a way that you make these reasons true about you. When that happens, you will become known as a safe and supportive companion to those in your life who grieve.

Final Thought

Teach me about your grief and I will be with you. As you teach me, I will follow the lead you provide me and attempt to be a stabilizing and empathetic presence. — Alan Wolfelt