T.I.M.E to Grieve: Christmas and Grief
Welcome to my weekly update called T.I.M.E. to Grieve.
Each time, I pick a theme, share an idea on that theme, reflect on the deeper meaning, and give an exercise to help put it into practice. I hope you find it helpful whether your grieving or supporting someone who is.
THEME
Navigating Christmas after a loss can be very challenging. Consider a few ideas and activities that might help lighten your burden this Christmas.
IDEA
Giving your presence might be the best Christmas gift you could give someone this year. — Ken Fite
There are no quick fixes to grief. No easy answers. Every expression of grief that wants to be felt and honored and given its space must be allowed…in order to heal. — Tom Zuba
The Christmas memories of the past bring warmth to my heart and tears to my eyes. — Unknown
MEANING
When I reflect on my own journey of grieving at Christmas time, a few ideas come to mind. Some of these ideas I’ve heard from others I support in their grief. May you add your own ideas and practices to the list as you navigate this Christmas.
Five Tips for Grievers This Christmas
1. Plan to grieve
It’s important to have realistic expectations at Christmas time. You may feel sad, lonely, melancholy, angry, frustrated, joyful, at peace, or any number of feelings, thoughts and reactions. The rule of thumb with expectations is to keep them realistic. And don’t plan for “when” grief will hit but simply expect it to come knocking at the door.
2. Include others in your life
Don’t do the holidays alone. Your time with people may vary because you may very well want your share of alone time. Just don’t isolate yourself at the cost of connection. Find people who will support you and try to spend less time with the people who don’t get you.
3. Be kind and gentle to yourself
Take time to treat yourself to what you find enjoyable — without guilt (unless it’s harmful). Read an enjoyable story, watch your favorite movie, buy that chocolate you really like. Say “no" if you’ll be better off doing so.
4. Strengthen your relationship of memory
Your loved one may be gone physically but they will never be gone from your heart or from your memory. Find a way to honor the memory of your loved one with a tree ornament, by lighting a candle, preparing a meal they would have liked, or sharing stories with family and friends.
5. Feel your feelings
When grief knocks, open the door. Cry when the tears start to flow. Stomp your feet in anger. Feel the joy when holding a new born child. Emotion is “energy in motion.” Let the energy move within you and don’t shut it down.
EXERCISE
Which of these tips resonate with you?
What activities, practices, or thought process has helped you?
